Atlas’ Shoulder

Atlas’ Shoulder

Flecks of dandruff falling on Atlas’ shoulder
A splinter of wood in the eye of the beholder
Achilles applies the cracked heel balm
While the Hand of Glory pops to the Asian nail bar

Anubis plays fetch with the souls of the dead
Ganesh the elephant forgets to butter his bread
Mother Shipton predicts the Thunderball numbers
While the Chinese dragon is just pretending to slumber

Uncle Sam is served with a restraining order
Britannia rues the rule of her mendacious daughters
Lady Europa says she can compromise no more
While the Russian bear keeps the half-time score

Satan offers Hell’s inaugural fire sale
The Green Man moves to the suburbs from his dale
Jesus gets the cross inked as a backpiece tattoo
While Clark Kent gets accused of peddling fake news

Darth Vader is ordered to start paying his child support
Lara Croft faces smuggling charges at the international court
Dracula’s got braces for his overbite correction
While Pinhead’s at the doctor with a piercing infection

Orion discovers his bowstring has snapped
Taurus is saying there’s more n’uff bull crap
Leo’s stopped pouncing, he’s taken up twerking
While Virgo is suffering from attacks of upskirting

Santa Clause is doing the Atkin’s diet
The Buddah is saying let’s all have a riot
Long John Silver’s got shore leave on Love Island
While the boy’s pulled his finger out and moved to the Highlands

Shylock’s become Venice’s first metric martyr
Thor’s lost the lightning, his meter got smarter
Michaelangelo’s David is called a teabagger
While Pan’s having to pop handfuls of Viagra

H Callaghan’s report recommends his suspension
Bart Simpson’s doing time in juvee detention
Jigsaw’s left searching for the final edge pieces
While the Predator’s classed as an endangered species

Jack Frost is suffering from rapid climate change
Wolverine don’t know where he caught the mange
Croesus moves his assets to bitcoin and blockchain
While the drought facing Noah makes him pray for it to rain

Salome says no thanks, don’t you know I’ve gone vegan?
The easter bunny is safe, it ain’t rabbit season
Tonto said kiss my ass kemosabe to the lone ranger
While Batman’s in counselling to manage his anger

Baba Yaga now works in the homeware department
In the divorce all Cinderella won was a one bed apartment
The Leshy’s got a job enforcing ceasefire treaties
While Hansel and Gretel’re on meds for type two diabetes

Zeus is convicted of MeToo sex pest offences
Rambo’s at the Hague citing Nuremburg defences
Jeanne d’Arc tries to make the glass ceiling shatter
While Jim Crow takes a knee because Black Lives do Matter

The battery went flat on Mercury’s mobility scooter
The only job Venus can get is a waitress at Hooters
Mars sees no honour any more in the wars that we fight
While Apollo (the sun God) thinks about turning out the lights

St George faces charges of animal cruelty
The Id monster wrestles with cartesian duality
Odin keeps losing his one contact lens
While Judge Dredd sentencing a perp says “It depends…”

Mammon got shorted in the credit crunch
M Burns and E Scrooge go dutch on their lunch
Merlin checks the props for his stage show in Vegas
While The Doctor (a woman) stares down the haters

In Egypt the clothes moths have got to the mummy
Nero speed reads through ‘Learn the violin for dummies’
Pennywise’s the guest speaker at a convention for clowns
While Gollum gets buffed up, he piles on the pounds.

rd 2018